envy

i see other ppl's work, and i can't help sighing.
y am i not as talented as they are?
y can't i be as good as them?
i know...i can't rely on talent. i never should.
i wasn't born with talent anyway.
i know i must work hard.
but do u think it is easy to work hard?
i envy ppl who can easily complete their work without even trying.
while i hv to struggle and don't even come close to their standard.

i believe i'm going to suffer in my next semester.
i'm in trouble.
i'm doomed.
no one can help me.

u know i think of quitting my course every single minute.
i envy musicians.
i envy that they have opportunities to do music full time.
i envy their chance to live their passion.

i never was passionate about illustration.
and i never will be. i dunno y. but i just know i have a mission.
and it is too late to turn back now.

i think me writing all these is the result of waiting too long for sms reply.
i hv been waiting impatiently for 2 days for some replies and they never came.
i hate waiting. i hate no replies.