seriously, i feel like quitting.
i'm not a quitter, i know.
and already so much money had been spent on me.
but every day the same thing comes to my mind.
what am i doing? can i seriously keep up with those crazy standards?
i'm dreaming an impossible dream.
probably it's psychological problem.
probably it's all in the mind.
but it's haunting me.
i recently found myself walking up and down the stairs for no reason.
hitting my own leg and punching the wall, literally.
is it depression? maybe. a mild one.
it's like my brain isn't working anymore.
things were not like this when i was actually studying books.
but now, when i'm doing art, i feel that i'm going crazy.
the moment i look at my own drawing i feel like crying, even though it's not terrible.
i am stuck in this world and can't get out.
i'm not happy at all when i work.
what is happening to me?
somebody save me...

hate my assignments!

i can tell u...
my assignments are damn suffering!!!
i spent 2 days and i onli completed 1!
4 more to go ar!!! T.T
i don't enjoy a bit of what i'm doing too...
i have lost the love of drawing.
now i HATE drawing.
i absolutely HATE it!
i dunno what i'm doing with my life now.
i suck in everything!
i planned to learn 100 songs but i still have 80 to go..

and my damn hateful assignments are spoiling my precious holiday!
i wanna finish them quickly but nothing is coming out of my stupid brain...
sometimes i stare at the com for hours and get nothing done!
stupid! stupid!

CHS wushu night, u guys ROCK!!!!

saturday i went back to my high school CHS for the first ever WUSHU NIGHT.
it was absolutely AWESOME!!!
i can't believe just how much work my juniors have put into the night!
i can see very clearly that they worked so hard...T.T so kelian...
sorry i wasn't there to help u guys out...
u guys should have seen it. the experience was overwhelming, even for me, i performed with them b4.
they performed extraordinarily, and even learned some new tricks!
i miss performing la...i miss the old days!
but after seeing them perform, i malu dy la...they all improved so much! while i "tui bu" liao lo...
i have many videos, but Youtube don't let me upload!!! damn it!
that day we were all so high, screaming at the top of our lungs!
some of the performances include wushu, lion dance, fan dance, tai chi, 24 season drums, hua yue, and performance by 2 Shaolin masters (mouth-dropping!!!).
so here are some pics...

my first T-shirt design is distributed!

front

back

heh heh heh heh...
remember what i wrote in my last post?
hehehe...
do u know what is the above pic about?
muahahaha...
it's my first ever printed t-shirt design!
i designed it for my wushu coach, and now it has been distributed to all of his students!
i dunno what to say now...
i still can't believe it...
even though i wasn't paid for my design,
i was still given one free...hehe
imagine...the whole wushu class walking around with my design on!

helping the neighbourhood

this morning i went to ms khor there...
show her my 3rd sem's work, and also ask her 4 help la...
thx to her, alwayz help me ^^

then afternoon gotta help my dad distribute some leaflets about my housing area security thingy...
haiz...we were out under the sun going from HOUSE TO HOUSE, putting a leaflet in EVERY letterbox!
waliao eh...
and then the leaflet not enough, hv to go back home and print some more.
and then those damn fierce dogs keep on barking...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
what to do, my dad so heroic, go and volunteer to help the neighbourhood...lol

and then...hehe...guess what i saw 2day??
hehe...alalalala...don't tell u guys yet..
wait for my next post..muahahahahah ((((魔音)))) haha i learned that from fang jiong bin...

and another thing!
i started writing again! woohooo!!!!!
muahahaha!
now i can live the "Don't just say you wanna be a writer, just BE a writer" dream!
hope that this time the story will be completed, and not abandoned, like many of my stories...

lee jun ki

it's so damn hot these few days!
my room is like a furnace!
and i'm constantly sweating all over.
when will it rain???

now i'm watching "The King and the Clown", a 2005 Korean movie. They say it's a very outrageous and sad movie. Lee Jun Ki acts as a feminine man.

Look how beautiful he is!

this is how he looks like normally.

envy

i see other ppl's work, and i can't help sighing.
y am i not as talented as they are?
y can't i be as good as them?
i know...i can't rely on talent. i never should.
i wasn't born with talent anyway.
i know i must work hard.
but do u think it is easy to work hard?
i envy ppl who can easily complete their work without even trying.
while i hv to struggle and don't even come close to their standard.

i believe i'm going to suffer in my next semester.
i'm in trouble.
i'm doomed.
no one can help me.

u know i think of quitting my course every single minute.
i envy musicians.
i envy that they have opportunities to do music full time.
i envy their chance to live their passion.

i never was passionate about illustration.
and i never will be. i dunno y. but i just know i have a mission.
and it is too late to turn back now.

i think me writing all these is the result of waiting too long for sms reply.
i hv been waiting impatiently for 2 days for some replies and they never came.
i hate waiting. i hate no replies.

holiday stuff

what hv i been doing during the holidays???
hmmm....EVERYTHING that i couldn't do during the school days...DUH!
addicted to tv now....blek...watching American Idol, Iljimae!!!, Ugly Betty, Prison Break,
err...actually i still watch them even tho i hv class...hehehe...TV addict is like that de la..

and then i practise my PIANO!!!!!!!
4got to tell u guys...
i played the piano at PYRAMID!!!! LOL...
grand piano!!! i think that is the absolute 1st time i touched a grand piano!
i played "坏人" by Fang Jiong Bin hahaha
pity i can't get the pics from PaoPao's blog T.T...
and the "piano guy" told me that to become a pianist,
i must know at least 100 songs!!! OMG...
songs that i currently know (and mostly not complete) are only a handful..
so, i'm currently WORKING very hard...and i even wrote a LONG LIST of songs to practise,
and guess what? it hasn't even reached 100 songs yet!
i'm desperate! i don't wanna go classes anymore! i want enough time to practise 100 songs!!!

anywaz...enuf of piano crazyness...
i wanna sleep now...nitez
:p

take a look at this series "Iljimae"...it's moving.

i hate headache!!!

this morning the weather so damn hot...
until i get headache...
DAMN HATE IT lo!!!
when i get headache, cannot do anything.
eat panadol also no use liao...take a nap, headache stil there!
T.T....good thing now is sem break..
if got assignment then i die lo...

我的名字叫祎（yi）临

now, at last i can type my chinese name on the computer!!!!
for years, i couldn't do that, cos my name is too rare.
my name is yilin, not ee ling, or yee ling, or yi ling!

我的名字叫祎临！
祎不是wei, 汉语拼音是跟“一”字一样的。所以叫yi.
知道了吗？不要跟我念错哦！
我不是wei lin! 从小学开始，老师总是叫错我的名字，哼！
华语老师也不例外！他们一定是很少翻开字典。。。嘿嘿
而且，如果要把我的名字放在什么杂志，奖牌等，
这个“祎” 字，每一次都写成 “讳”， “袆”， “伟” 等。。。真是的！！！

最气的是，去年参加全国青少年武术锦标赛的时候，
我的名字卡片上竟然写着“陈伟监”！！！
我的天啊！“祎”写错了我还可以接受， 可是“临”这个字呀， 连一年级的小学生都会也！
怪不得我一个奖牌都没有拿到！哈哈，不是啦。。是我没有实力， 但我还是很气啊！
人家名字可是很有意思的哩！你们干吗把它改成什么鬼名字？！

大家可能很好奇我的名字怎么这样奇怪。
哪有人会用“临”这个字当名字？
其实，我的父母想要把我形容成“礼物”， 说是神把我送给他们的礼物。
所以就叫我的伯伯帮我取名字。
“祎” 在三国演义里面， 我还记得有一个人名字也有这个字，叫费祎。
“祎”，意思是美好。 “临”代表来临。
意思已经很明显了， 其实并不难了解的。
所以，我求你们。。。
别再弄错我的名字了。

从今天起，我会用我的华语名来签名。
因为，我觉得它比较特别，比较有意思。

记住了。。。我叫。。。。祎临

打得蛮爽的。。。嘿嘿，因为现在电脑终于能打这个字了。

祎临。。。祎临。。。祎临。。。祎临。。。祎临。。。muahahahaha...祎临！！！

阿桑！！！

今早看到报纸上的消息，顿时吓到了。

" 阿桑随“叶子”凋零 因乳腺癌病逝年仅34岁

4月6日8点30分，台湾歌手阿桑因罹患乳癌末期，病逝于台湾慈济医院，享年34岁。

　　阿桑原名黄嬿璘，曾在酒吧驻唱，有丰富的现场演唱经验，被资深制作人汪一平发掘之后就辞去驻唱的工作专心准备出片，在筹备等待发片的期间，为了 维持生活，也当过律师事务所的接线员和百货公司的播音小姐。阿桑因演唱电视剧《蔷薇之恋》片尾曲而走红，总共发行过两张专辑，最有名的歌曲是《叶子》、 《温柔的慈悲》和《一直很安静》。

　　因嗓音怀旧沧桑，唱片公司为其取名阿桑。私底下，阿桑为人低调，私事从不愿为他人知晓。昨晚，记者拨通阿桑经纪人汪一平电话时，手机铃声唱着“我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停，也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心……”正是阿桑的《叶子》。

　　据汪一平透露，2007年阿桑便于台湾查出罹患乳癌，因治疗过于惨痛，其间断断续续，“今年2月，阿桑回到台湾，准备为新专辑挑选新歌。后来因 为身体状况一直不好，只创作了两首歌。其实许多人都不知道阿桑是位创作型歌手，她写的歌真的非常好听。至于她写毕的两首新歌，我一定会用，至于以什么形式 发表她的作品，我们一定会慎重决定。”(综合) "

几年前她的歌“叶子”和“一直很安静”非常红，我也在钢琴上弹过她的歌。

她的歌很有伤感，所以她有“疗伤歌手”之称。

没想到，她竟然这么早就走了，觉得很可惜。她才出了两张专辑， 前途还很有potential也.

唉。。。听说她的师兄张智成很伤心。

她这么一走，是华语乐坛非常大的损失。

blog "REOPEN"

WEEEEE!!!
now my blog open again! muahahahahahahahaha!!!

~OPENING CEREMONY~

*drums rolling..........................................................................................

TADA!!!!!!

welcome back everyone!!!
it's good to have all of my faithful readers back!

anywayz, y was it locked ar? secret lo!
but now all is OPEN...muahahah..

y i open it again ar? thanx to my dear FangAbin~
方炯镔！
i saw his blog, and it was SOOO CUTE!
so motivated me to blog lo...
haha...damn lame leh...
check it out!
http://fangabin.pixnet.net/blog

but aren't u happy to be here again?
i know, my blog is so addictive...hehe